Pat Condell 3-pack

Here are the 3 latest submissions to YouTube from Pat Condell. Good Stuff!

I Knew He Protested Too Much

Hysterical song parody from last night's Saturday Night Live.

Catholics: Spreading the Gospel- One dead African at a time.

I took a couple days off from the news and one of the first stories I read today was this little gem from the BBC.

It seems those kooky Catholics are at it again. This time Archbishop Francisco Chimoio, the head of the Catholic Church in Mozambique has make some insanely incredible claims. He tells the BBC reporter that he believes that some European made condoms, as well as some anti-viral medications, are being laced with the HIV virus to purposely infect the people of Africa. He goes on to say " Condoms are not sure because I know that there are two countries in Europe, they are making condoms with the virus on purpose," but refused to name the countries or companies.

Wow!

How low will these retards sink? With some 500 new cases of HIV infection daily in Mozambique and over 16% of the country already infected, I shudder to think how many deaths will be caused by this douche-nozzle's remarks. Once again the Church seems to support the use of fear and propaganda to push their morality on people- even if it means their death. They continue to promote marital fidelity and abstinence (nothing wrong with those ideas) as the ONLY morally acceptable way to prevent contracting HIV. This is not only irresponsible, it should be criminal. Ironically, the church is against the death penalty. (unless of course your crime happens to be premarital or extramarital sex, well, then you deserve to die.)

Raping innocent children, OK. Having sex before you are married, it's a slow and painful death for you.

Thank god we have religion in the world!

Congressional Masturbation

As posted on my other blog:

With American soldiers dying everyday, $700 million leaking out of our national coffers on a daily basis, over 40 million Americans without health insurance, and the threat of confrontation with Iran looming in the distance, it is comforting that our beloved congress has nothing better to do than engage in what amounts to political masturbation. Saber-rattling and grandstanding by congress is a waste of time. And doesn't the congress have more important things to do?

Yesterday the House of Representatives followed the Senate in their invertebrate fashion and passed a resolution condemning the infamous MoveOn.org ad that ran earlier this month in the New York Times.

The ad essentially is critical of the apparent discrepancy between the statistics offered by Petraeus at the congressional testimony and actual data. The ad claims that Petraeus' numbers are painting a rosier picture in Iraq because of the unorthodox method that the data is tabulated; for instance: deaths from car bombs are not counted, nor are assassinations included unless the person was shot in the head. The ad asks the question: "General Petraeus, or General Betray Us". Now regardless of your politics, I think it is key to keep one thing in mind:

NO ONE IN A FREE SOCIETY IS BEYOND REPROACH!

That means we get to ask questions and criticize and even say "Fuck Bush" in a college newspaper if we so choose. It is the one thing that defines who we are and is the backbone of a free society.

Why Atheists are Fat

Our praise isn't funky enough...

glumbert - Giving Him Praise...The Aerobic Way

I wonder Paul Eugene is familiar with a certain passage in Leviticus that explicitly classifies Jazz-hands as an abomination...

No Queers in Quaran Land

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran's provocative president spoke at Columbia University today. The university's president gave him the glowing introduction he desrved, calling him a "cruel dictator" and accused him of being either "brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated" regarding his denial of the Holocaust.

When asked about the reported abuse of women and homosexuals in his country, Ahmadinejad responded," We don't have homosexuals. [in Iran.] I don't know who told you we had it."

One wonders if that is the case because of some previously unstudied Founder Effect seen in the genetics of the population of Iran. Perhaps his Islamic fundamentalist fascist regime simply exterminates all the homosexuals. Or just maybe people live in repressed denial and fear and can not publicly admit to the nature of their sexuality. In either case I would doubt that there are no homosexuals in Iran.

I'll never understand the unhealthy obsession the religious have with sexuality.
If you ask me, god seems a little too preoccupied with who we all have sex with.

Perhaps Mahmoud doth protest too much:

Sweet Mother of God They're Dumb!

Quick, book a flight to Miami. Go ahead, right now, I'll wait.
Got your ticket? Great, now you will be able to wait in line for hours outside of St. Brendan's Church for your chance to catch a glimpse of your favorite Zombie-in-Savior and his never-been-laid mom!
OK , well, not exactly them- but shadows of them; well, not exactly shadows of them- shadows that kinda sorta look like what is widely accepted to be what they would look like if they actually existed and if you squint your eyes just right and.. oh yeah, you happen to be an idiot!

Yeah that sounds about right.

Video of the news report here. **Warning Explicit Stupidity**
My favorite part is when the woman interviewed (a teacher) clarifies that what she sees is the ADULT Jesus. ( I assume to clarify it from the 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus, newborn not even spoken a word yet, who is just sitting in his crib watching Baby Einstein videos learning about shapes and colors.)

Yes, I'm certain that your imaginary friendly ghost-god is making himself "appear" to you through shadows on a piece of cloth. I'm sure that, after careful consideration, he has decided that this is the most effective and clear way to communicate his ethereal shadowy goodness to you, his adoring sheep-like bipeds. Its a genuine miracle! Gather up your sick, crippled, and afflicted and head on over St. Brendan's Catholic Church to ask the Rorschach spot on the tapestry to intervene on your behalf. The idiocy abounds!

New ideas to pay for my medical school loans:

• I trowel some dog shit shit onto a poster board and randomly swirl. Those posters that have the slightest hint of a humanoid figure I auction off on: www.Iamahighlysuggestibleretardedbeliever.com claiming it is a miracle.

• I print up and sell t-shirts that say "I waited in line all day to see some shadows and all I got was this fucking t-shirt"

It's worth a shot.

Dear Mr. President...

Pink at Wembley stadium. H/T Crooks and Liars.

Some New Rules ...

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

In a country whose television broadcasting companies censor Kath Griffin saying "No one had less to do with this award [emmy] than Jesus." and truncate Sally Fields acceptance speech for her anti-war rhetoric and the showing of a female nipple causes our collective hearts to go all aflutter; apparently it is OK to air this:


What mindless ignorant drivel. I am starting to believe the US is almost beyond hope. Idiocy abounds.
This piece is chock-full-o-nuttery but these are my favorite quotes:

"I don't know if the world is flat...I never thought about it before"

I think this one has been handled -several hundred years ago. Globe makers be warned. Keep an eye out for a drastic drop in globe sales.

"Babies being born in sperms"

Actually there captain biology, methinks that you need an egg as well.

"I have a bible in which god says....he said he created the earth"

Oh well that settles it then doesn't it. If HE said so then it must be true. By the way I was wondering who took dictation from HIM?

"The bible is certainly to be respected and beloved"

Incest, rape, murder, genocide, magic tricks, unicorns, dragons, and zombies ALL in the bible. Whats not to Love? If you want to respect a book, try Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss certainly a much more worthy piece of literature and certainly more appropriate for children.

If anyone needs me I'll be on the phone with a Realtor in Australia. (or as our president like to say, "Austria")

Christian Virus Rampant in Candada

God must be big fan of his own handiwork. Especially the very cool job he has done (non-evolutionarily) with viruses. They are almost perfect. Perfect little disease making machines. Unless of course your immune system recognizes them and prevents them from taking hold. Thats what vaccines do. They give our immune systems little Most-Wanted posters so our cells can be on the lookout for certain unsavory little viruses and prevent them from wreaking havoc in our bodies.

One such little trouble maker is HPV (human papilloma virus) among its rap sheet is its ability to cause genital warts and more frighteningly its implication in causing cervical cancer. HPV is sexually transmitted and happens to be fairly common. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and prevention) :

Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.

A few years back Merck developed a vaccine to prevent 4 of the more virulent strains of HPV most associated with cancer. It is too early to say for sure the exact impact of this vaccine but with 3700 deaths from cervical cancer in the US alone (much higher in other countries without agressive sceenings such as PAP smears etc.) it has the potential to save many many lives.

Two of my own daughters (ages 15 and 14) have received the vaccine and pediatricians across the world are recommending it to girls (vaccine is only tested and approved for girls) and can be given as early as age 9 an up to 26. When my youngest is old enough I will certainly make sure she gets vaccinated as well.

In Canada, a Ontario school board held a hearing last night to decide whether they should ban the vaccine which is currently offered to its 8 grade girls in an attempt to reduce the number of cervical cancer cases. Fortunately they decided against the ban. Why in the world would anyone want to ban such a potentially life saving vaccine you ask? Yep you guessed it RELIGION.

It seems the Bishops of the province weighed in and demanded it be pulled from the schools. You see since HPV is sexually transmitted and in their eyes there is no reason to have sex if you are not married and if you do well, thats a sin and ..I assume they think you DESERVE cancer. Not very Christian of them is it? They go on to say in a letter to the school board:

It is up to parents to decide whether their daughters get the vaccine, but HPV can only be contracted through sex, and sex outside marriage carries "profound risks to a young person's spiritual, emotional, moral and physical health," the Conference of Catholic Bishops said in a statement.

This is the same sort of logic that the Catholic church is actively spreading throughout the continent of Africa and condeming the use of condoms despite the pandemic status of HIV.

This is the most disgusting and deplorable miscarriage of morality. It should be criminal to use fear and cause the needless deaths of thousands of people! (Insert President Bush comment here)

I can't wait until someone develops a vaccine for religion!


Oh wait we already have one...... It's called THINKING!!!!!

Get yourself vaccinated today!

Simply Omazing!

I suppose he was signing in tongues. Many thanks to Ray for showing me this!

I got a 2$ Starbuck's coupon for anyone who can transcribe this song for me.....

Cleaning out my IN box and found this

I posted this on my other blog but I wanted readers of this blog to see it too. This is certainly one of my top 3 favorite joke emails of all time. I first got it about 5 years ago and haven't seen it for several years. It is old but still damn funny.I defy you to read this while trying to drink something.
______________________________________________________________
The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer!

Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella.

I Revel in My Monkeydom

This explains my love of bananas.


Credit to American Sot for posting this in his blog.

Coming Out Godless

Intergalactic Hussy was kind enough to post the story of my descent into heathendom. She runs Coming Out Godless - a collection of personal accounts of "coming-out" into atheism. Head on over there and give some of them a read. Pretty interesting stuff. Share your own story of how you came to be an atheist.

Coming out Godless

Cartoony Goodness

Great little video I saw over at Principles of Parsimony.

"Upon blind faith they place reliance; what we need more of is science"- MC Hawking

It's Easy If You Try...National Shredded Genitals Day

Today marks the 6th anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks. Do the world a favor and pass this photo around to everyone you know. (Not that I naively believe that it will convert anyone away from magical thinking on its own; rather, I would like to hope it could spark a debate among people and slowly get at least a few to begin peeling the scales from their eyes-to steal a biblical reference)

Bill Maher, in his Podcast this week (find it here), calls for Americans to institute a national Life is too short day on September 11th.

To quote Maher,

"You never know when 19 scumbags armed with box cutters and pure sweet faith are going to end it all."

Indeed, Bill is right. Life is too short. Too short and too full of wonderfully amazing things to waste a single moment.

I originally thought September 11th would be a great day to kick off a National Debate a Fundie Day or even a Introduce a Theist to Rational Thought Day.

But then...

Upon further consideration, sadly, I realize we might as well have a National Masturbate With a Cheese Grater Day since it would be similarly as interesting at first- but in the end...

just as painful.

Sunday Spout

In addition to watching some opera for the first time today, I caught a little NFL football. This brings me to the topic of today's rant.

While catching the highlight reel from all of todays games I saw no fewer than 3 different players from around the league (almost in perfect choreographed fashion) pound their chest and point to sky giving thanks to baby jesus, allah, or some other imaginary god for their "gift" to score a touchdown. Give me a fucking break!

First of all, there is no god, so your delusional theatrics are not only distracting they are silly. Secondly, if there were a god- his interest in whether or not you happen to score versus another devotee from the other team could only be minuscule at best. I am sure good old god is busy talking to a certain president, smiting homosexuals, thinning out a continent with the AIDS virus, or whatever it is that the all powerful is busy doing. Stop bothering him with your trivial little accomplishments; after all he is omniscient- he knows you scored, and I'm sure he had the foresight to pick you in his fantasy football team Yay! 7 points! For that matter he knows you are grateful and all that, no need to involve us in your dramatic gratuities.

Finally, it is just hypocritical. I realize I am generalizing here, but if your piety was as present off the field as it appears on it; then I suppose there would be a lot less professional athletes who were in jail, deadbeat dads, wife-beaters, drug addicts, and animal abusers. (although in Michael Vick's defense, he didn't find Jesus until after he murdered dozens of dogs- that Jesus sure does hide well)

Why is it that these athletes feel it is OK to constantly throw their supposed beliefs in your face? And over such trivial accomplishments, I mean, it would be no more appropriate, but imagine this:

You are sitting in a waiting room where a loved one is undergoing delicate brain surgery, the neurosurgeon comes out, jumps up in the air, pounds his chest with his fist and thrust a thankfully pious finger skyward and nods to the (ceiling) heavens. As he approaches you to inform you of the outcome of the surgery he states, "First and foremost, I have to give thanks to almighty god, without whom nothing is possible, and uh, oh yeah, the operation was a success."

Is this appropriate behavior? Even for someone who saved a life, I don't think so. But especially not over something as silly as scoring points, in a game. Keep your beliefs to yourself! Thank you very much.

I don't see any atheist players (statistics tell us that there are many) spouting off after every touchdown or home run about their belief in rational thought and science. Why is that? Oh yeah, I forgot. Atheism IS NOT A RELIGION- despite what the religious say. More importantly, you are being paid (quite handsomely) to play a game and entertain us. I would dare say your paychecks would be a might bit smaller should your salary be based on your ability to wax poetic on the nature of the universe or your knowledge of scripture.

So please, Mr. Professional Athlete (who happened to hit the genetic lottery and has the ability to play a game to earn a living making several orders of magnitude more money than people who are doing real good in the world) keep your silly little religion to yourself and off the field, and I will promise to stop coming to your churches and playing touch football around the pews with my friends.

Minor Victory Against Theocracy

The U.S. court of appeals, with its decision, has troweled a bit of mortar back in the crumbling wall that is supposed to separate church and state.

The story from Reuters.

The story's headline is a little less than impartial in my opinion:

Court bans Christian cross on private land in public park

What the court actually did was see through the bullshit of the government trying to trade a small parcel of land in a public park to a private owner in order to circumvent the Establishment clause of the Constitution which bans the government from favoring any particular religion.

The Mojave National Preserve in southern California is the site of Sunrise Rock. Apparently people have been putting crosses at the site for decades about 10 years ago someone took the liberty (WITHOUT PERMISSION, mind you) to drill into the rock and permanently affix an 8 foot cross to the site. This went unchecked until 1999 when a Buddhist asked the government for permission to erect a Buddhist shrine at the site and was denied. (interesting that the Buddhist asked for permission to do something with land that wasn't his, whereas the Christian just went ahead and assaulted the poor non-denominational rock with his drill and installed his 8 foot homage to torture) Why the man wasn't cited for vandalism escapes me!

The Buddhist took it to court and our Congress in its infinite(infantile) wisdom tried to settle the matter by trying to trade a tiny parcel of land (on which the cross stands) to private ownership.

Thankfully the appeals court panel of three judges saw through this and upheld a lower court's ruling against the cross. Judge Margaret McKeown wrote in their decision:

The permitting display of the Sunrise Rock cross in the Preserve is an impermissible governmental endorsement of religion.

Good for you Maggie! Actually, good for all of us!

It is refreshing to see that the entire judicial branch of our government hasn't been poisoned by the push of so many to turn this country into a complete theocracy.

If you haven't already, check out the Freedom from Religion Foundation.

Thursday Videos

Here is a collection of videos from Pat Condell. He is a comedian from London who has posted a number of video monologues concerning atheism and religion in the world.

Pat Condell's Homepage.

Enjoy!

Hindus got my Goat

I'm no vegan. I'm not a member of PETA( frankly, I think those people are a little off their pot). And I often indulge the carnivore in me by enjoying a well-prepared steak. But something in me is slightly revolted by this story:

The state -controlled airline in Nepal had some mechanical trouble with one of their Boeing 757 jets and decided that sacrifices had to be made. This is not an uncommon occurrence in the airline industry throughout the world; many airlines have resorted to salary cutbacks and trimming benefits in order to remain competitive.

In this case however, the sacrifices were of a biological nature; specifically 2 goats were slaughtered in front of the aircraft to appease the Hindu god of the sky, Akash Bhairab. This was thought to rectify the aircraft's problems (mechanics notwithstanding).

Hindus, aside from believing in more gods than you can shake a stick at, believe in reincarnation. I suppose a goat is NOT what you want to come back to life as.

Irony 1, Hypocrisy 0

Water closet wild man, Senator Larry Craig(R-Idaho) announced yesterday that he will resign his senate seat.

Senator Craig stated that he is stepping down to avoid the distraction of possible legal action surrounding his June arrest in a Minneapolis airport men's room for suspected lewd conduct. He was arrested as part of an undercover investigation of sexual activity in the men's bathrooms. The story recently became public when details of the incident were published in Roll Call, the capitol hill newspaper.

Craig and others like him are hypocrites of the worst kind. The senator is the latest in a long line of politicians, republicans especially, who pound the stump(no pun intended..but it is kinda funny) during the day and preach family values and Christianity railing against gay rights, but then undercover of night (or, in this case, anonymity of a public restroom) engage in most of the behaviors that they condemn. What is going on here? Is the entire republican party just one giant projection support group?

Craig has consistently voted against gay-rights legislation and was a supporter of the Federal Marriage Amendment, which excluded same sex couples from having marital rights. Senator Craig maintains that he is not gay. Perhaps denial is just a big river in Egypt.

There is nothing wrong with being gay, senator, despite what your silly little book and the rest of your party says. Come on out of the stall. Jebus will forgive you.